


Mortality

by EddieWrites



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Depression, F/F, Late Night Conversations, Mortality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 19:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21061604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieWrites/pseuds/EddieWrites
Summary: Everybody gets lost at times. Sometimes all it takes is somebody willing to pull you back from the brink.





	Mortality

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning, this started as a ventfic at 3 AM. I hope it's enjoyable. 
> 
> It's also light on the Edelys, sorry! I did manage to sneak some in though!

Lysithea liked to think of herself as strong.

She knew intimately more than most the concept of mortality, having lost loved ones at a young age did that. Not to mention having a timer attached to her very own life. Yet she remained driven, she kept moving forward, bettering herself at every opportunity. 

Or at least, that was how she normally carried herself. But every now and then, the voice in the back of her mind that told her everything she did was for naught reared its head. Miserable nihilism taking over the usual determination, sapping away her drive to move forward, to do so much as move.

Often times when this happened, Lysithea forced herself to move. Anything worked, so long as she managed to keep herself from staying in one place, from stagnating with the idle thoughts of her mind.

Currently, her feet were carrying her to places unknown. She wasn’t sure where she was going, focused instead on simply keeping herself in motion. One step in front of the other felt like the only thing she could keep her mind focused on. It was only when her feet began to ache in protest that she finally stopped. Finding one of the benches nearby, Lysithea took a seat. The weather was pleasant, for the middle of the night, if the occasional bitter wind that swept through the monastery was ignored.

Lysithea stared at her hands, moving them slowly and simply basking in the fact that they responded to her. They felt numb, not from the cold, but from some mental disconnect. It was a wonder she could even muster the willpower to move them. Everything registered slowly, as if delayed by the emptiness that gnawed away at her on the inside.

So absorbed was she in her melancholy that she didn’t notice the approaching footsteps, nor the questioning gaze of the girl that had stopped in front of her to questioningly at her, brow raised.

She didn’t hear the sound of a throat being cleared. Flexing her fingers, opening and closing, clenching and relaxing seemed to be the only thing that mattered. a narrow minded focus that kept the thoughts from eroding away at her mental state of being.

“Lysithea.”

Typically this may have startled Lysithea, but instead her reaction was muted, looking up to acknowledge the girl before her without even really seeing her. Glossy, unseeing eyes of a soul trapped within toil stared right back up at the purple hues of Edelgard. No words were spoken, her gaze the only sign that she had even acknowledged the empress before her.

“You seem troubled.”

Part of Lysithea finally registered just who it was that had found her in this state, but she couldn’t muster the willpower to care. Lysithea shrugged in response, no words coming to her. The fatigue of not just her body but her mind weighing down on her. She could not be bothered to handle the formalities in such a state. She would be fine come morning. She always was when she got in a rut like this. Even such a listless state couldn’t hold her spirit down for long.

It was Edelgard taking a seat next to her that truly began to shake her from her stupor, and she simply stared at the empress in confusion for a moment before turning her gaze towards the stars. Burning so brightly, they all would one day fizzle out. Everything did.

“Would you like to talk?”

The words were simple, and Lysithea pondered them detachedly, would she like to? No, not in this state. But… should she? She wasn’t sure of the answer to that, and she ended up staring at Edelgard, a long, palpable silence seeming to settle over them before she finally opened her mouth to speak. It took her a moment, her mouth feeling dry and unfamiliar.

“Do you ever ponder mortality, Edelgard?”

The question carried a weight with it, and suddenly Lysithea’s gaze seemed to come into focus, awaiting an answer with the single-minded focus that only came with such a mental state. A detached part of her figured that it must be odd for Edelgard to find one of her most trusted in such a state. She dismissed the thought.

“Constantly. One in my position has to.”

The words were softly delivered, and it was clear to Lysithea that they were carefully chosen.

“Mortality is something that weighs each of us down, yet it also gives our actions meaning. It makes the time that we put into activities meaningful. Without mortality, time would be meaningless.”

Lysithea held back a dry chuckle. Everything always seemed to tie back to the one thing that she did not have much of.

“Then is it not the time that we have that gives us meaning?”

Lysithea noticed the way that Edelgard’s tone seemed to shift. It was clear that she suspected something was up, and Edelgard paused for a moment. If it wasn’t clear before, it was now obvious that she was picking each word carefully.

“No. It is not. It is the actions that we take with the consideration of time that give us meaning.”

Lysithea’s lips tugged downwards. That answer hadn’t been satisfying, although she didn’t suspect there was an answer that would, given her current state.

“Someone with more time could accomplish more. Surely that makes time the limiting factor, at the very least.”

Lysithea could tell by the way Edelgard paused with her eyes closed that she had finally been figured out. 

“You’ve been contemplating your own value considering your shortened lifespan.”

The words weren’t accusatory, stated with all the levity of a casual observation. Lysithea couldn’t help but feel defensive. How could she state such a thing so easily? Did it not affect her?

“Oh, wow, what a shot in the dark. Yes. It’s kind of difficult to just ignore it forever.”

The sarcasm dripped from every word, and Lysithea didn’t have the heart in her to feel bad for giving attitude to the Empress. She was the one pushing her, not the other way around. She should expect as much… right? Despite the first spark of life, Lysithea felt all the more tired. Her very being seemed seeped in existential exhaustion.

“It does not make you less of a person, you know that right?”

Lysithea snorted, tired of hearing the same thing from everybody that knew of her struggle. Yes, she understood that, but that didn’t stop the insidious thoughts. She had all the features of the rest of them, sure, but did she have a future? Almost definitely not.

“Answer me this then, Edelgard. All of you fight for a future that you’ll be able to live in. Something you can strive to live to see.”

Lysithea took a deep breath, the ball was really rolling now. Thoughts that had tormented her for as long as she could remember being voiced for the first time. Given form and tangibility in a way they never had before. 

“What about me? What right do I have to stand beside you? Besides anyone who has their entire life ahead of them and treat myself as their equal?”

Lysithea didn’t feel that sense of freedom people claimed would come with sharing problems. There was no weight off her chest, no newfound sense of purpose, everything didn’t feel better. Just more frustration.  
She could see Edelgard trying to think of what to say, and the lack of answer served only to frustrate her further. Simmering in her own anger at her condition and her situation, she turned her piercing gaze from Edelgard to the sky. The stars only served as a reminder of her own futility. She could reach as high as possible, but she would never grasp what she reached for.

“You do know that all of us have limited time, no?”

Edelgard’s voice broke through her morose thoughts - as it so often tended to. Her gaze left the stars, seeking the eyes of the person who had given her meaning. Given her something to fight for in the first place.

“It is not just you who has limited time. Everyone dies eventually. Nobody is immune to the inevitable, yet we all still keep moving on. Do you know why, Lysithea?”

Lysithea had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Everyone had their own take on fate, yet none of them seemed satisfactory to Lysithea. It was only her respect for Edelgard that kept her from lashing out and dismissing her.

“It’s belief, Lysithea. It’s because we believe that we can accomplish what we want to. It’s my belief that I can make the world better that causes me to take the actions that I do.”

Lysithea could feel Edelgard’s gaze practically cutting through her, slamming through the void that had threatened to consume her.

“It’s your belief in me that led you to follow me, is it not? That I can accomplish what you seek to see in the world?”

Lysithea doesn’t hesitate to answer. 

“Absolutely. You’re the only one I trust to follow through with such a thing.”

Edelgard’s lips quirk upwards, and Lysithea realizes that she’d been drawn out, out of the numbness that had overtaken her. Edelgard was getting a reaction out of her that she couldn’t find herself.

“We are selfish enough to believe, and that is what gives our actions meaning. It is not the time and the effort behind our actions that give us meaning, but the fact that every action we take is something we, on some level, believe needs to be done.”

Lysithea nodded slowly, digesting the words and actually thinking them through. Time didn’t matter, did it? So long as she believed in everything that she did…

“I think I’ve given you something to think about, Lysithea. Just remember this.”

Lysithea’s eyes followed Edelgard as she rose from her seat beside her, she was too shocked to react when Edelgard’s hand came and cupped her cheek, a shockingly intimate gesture.

“It may be selfish, but so long as you can stand, I would like you standing by my side. If the value you give yourself is not enough, then trust in the value that I place in you.” 

Edelgard turned and left, walking with purpose in a way that belied the conversation they just had. Lysithea’s hand slowly rose to her cheek, hesitantly touching the are where Edelgard’s gloved hand had brushed. Edelgard had drawn her out of the void, and given her much to think about. Lysithea felt her cheeks heat up. Trust in the value that she places in her? She… she could do that. 

Lysithea rose from the bench slowly, her sore feet protesting once more. As she headed back to her dorm room, fatigued mentally, physically, and emotionally, she couldn’t help but wonder just what it was that had brought Edelgard out this late at night. Rationally she realized that Edelgard had most likely not been checking up on her specifically, but the thought that she stopped to help her was… warming.

It was nice to have somebody to keep her grounded. Lysithea knew Edelgard was the only one who could have pulled her back to reality. Morose thoughts turned wistful, even as Lysithea drew the covers over herself.

Typically after a night such as this, Lysithea’s dreams were wracked with night terrors. Instead, Lysithea dreamed of holding gloved hands in her own. Of gentle gestures and meaningful words.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly not very happy with how this turned out, but I'm posting this anyway since I wrote it for myself first and myself. It began as a ventfic, and my dumbass had to find a way to make it at least a little bit Edelys by the end of it.
> 
> I'm really not sure how much I hit on the characterization of both Lysithea and Edelgard here. This was almost completely self-indulgent, and honestly just a way to try to express how I feel at times and reflect through writing. Trying to relate/make characters relatable can be oddly cathartic.
> 
> Regardless, I hope that all of you can enjoy it for what it is anyway! Perhaps I'm pleasantly surprised and I did better than expected!
> 
> Feel free to follow me on twitter at @EddiesWritings !  
I still owe a fic for the C9 challenge since I'm not counting this! Expect that either by the end of the night or tomorrow!


End file.
